As an indulgent Sagittarius and also a recovering addict, these past couple of weeks have been a wonky, but also delicious time. In my time of grieving, I was learning how to cut myself some slack, but not too much slack either, mainly on the strict diet I had myself on. I have held myself to some pretty impossible standards when it comes to physical appearances, especially weight. I was counting macros, and my body responded well to the plan, but I had stopped working out in the summer. And still seemed to lose more weight. I had this beautiful slim body, but there was a part of me that didn't like it because I wasn't fitting any of my clothes, so I began purposely to eat more unhealthy foods to gain weight. Such a weird and distorted reasoning, but that is the truth.
So that being said, I have been indulging in take out a lot in the past few weeks, really just trying to enjoy the foods I restricted myself from the diet I was on. It was good, but honestly, did nothing for my spiritual development except trigger guilt and feelings of a lower vibration. I understand from experience how my body responds to healthy foods that I cook with intention and love. My meditations are more effective, my mind is more clear and I can stay emotionally balanced over longer periods of time. But yet, when I am tired, my go-to is the crispy chicken club sandwich with jalapeno's with fries and gravy. OMG. Fries are my kryptonite. LOL. It's bringing me back full circle to the article I wrote about choices and really there is no right or wrong choice, but we can FEEL when it is an empowering choice or a disempowering one.
I am just letting it slide for now; I am aware of the steps I need to take good care of my body.
Another note that I wanted to share. A sweet moment of clarity that arrived this evening, that inspired me to write this blog. I had written a Facebook post last week, stating my opinion and feelings around people "stealing" my ideas, wisdom, etc. It was something that I was harbouring for a while, at least a few months, and tried soooo hard to just let it be. But for some reason it kept popping up. That reason was because I wasn't getting to the heart of the issue and taking responsibility for my own actions.
See, this whole situation is familiar, as I have experienced it before in a previous job. Harbouring resentments because I felt that my manager was "stealing" my ideas as their own and completely disregarding the hard work I put into it. It left me with feelings of betrayal, being cheated and honestly, straight-up used. Because I was constantly trying to prove my worth by over-sharing and over-giving, with no clear boundaries. My inner child was probably wanting that "gold star", as the over-achiever that I was then, and clearly is coming out today. So I took an honest look at myself tonight. And I am so very humbled with what my higher self is guiding me to understand.
That specific behaviour is stemmed from codependency. I am seeing clearly now, that there must have been a part of me that was looking to be accepted by the FB world if I just shared my wisdom generously, but have recently learned that it was self-motivated. I thought it was of pure intention, but there was a sliver of selfishness that I wasn't willing to look at or even admit. And that is why I kept feeling triggered and angry about other people taking my wisdom and using it for their own "leg-up" in their businesses, etc.
To be honest, I truly want this knowledge to get out there and to be utilized, and integrated in whatever way is helpful by the collective, whoever they are. It's funny now to reflect, because it was my own actions that set me up for this lesson. A very valuable lesson. Which brings me to my conclusion.
I've said before in videos, about how the structures of the old paradigms from the Piscean Age are being dismantled or demolished. Structures that were built upon inauthentic and egoic motives and intentions. The Divine will not support them any longer. This is occurring on a Global scale, down to the personal level. Macrocosm to the microcosm. It's beautiful and so fucking liberating, to finally be free from this fucking resentment. I am grateful that my words are inspiring other's to do their work. That is what this is all about. And learning how to tame my ego in the process, not to eradicate it, because the ego will always be a part of us and has an important role in our spiritual development. Such as this example.
I now feel it in my heart, the flattery of using my content to create wonderful, new ideas and perspectives to help the collective's that you serve. It is an honour and I humble myself tonight in this truth.